damn..

she's not interested.

nobody is. ever. lol.

i wish i could rewind the last 4 fucking years of my life.. and play them out like they should have gone. no mount dora. no carrie. no nathan cornell.. that motherfucker .

more annalise. more patriots. more IB.

i didn't happen the right way. this isn't right.

i keep telling myself that i've moved on. that i'm ready to go to college.

and i feel that i'm finally ready for high school. not college. .. like i can do it right this time.

but it's over.



fuck.


i'll try one last time.. with her that is. maybe.

i dunno..

confusing.

or is it just not worth putting myself up for rejection again..

damn.. here i am .. like this.. and i was giving advice the other night.

lol..

venting
-M@

motion sickness.

there .. i have a name for how i feel right now.

everyone.. everything is moving.. literally..

going on .. forward.. backward.. sideways.

i'm getting motion sickness.. can't anyone just stay where they're at?.. ugh..

i'm going to go pirate something now..

more later.

barf.
-M@

sometimes i find myself pondering nonexistance. or the idea of being.. literally.. to be. or not being..

what is it? what isn't it? can i determine this if I AM because to truly realize not being is to be and then not be..

i may never comprehend this.

what is? what is real?

i find that i fear not having existance. fear not bearing purpose..


that damn movie did it to me last night.
and the gas from the doctor.

oh well

i'm going to go see this blatantly liberal movie tonight.. farenheight 911.

i think i should pirate it instead.. to undercut that dumbass political agenda spewing moron.

jeezum.

got a cool book on quantum mechanics. it's neato.

i'm not normal.. what other 18 year old reads about realitivity.

i should be out smoking joints and chaseing women.
dammit.


cogito ergo sum is a bunch of bullshit.

i mean.. my computer thinks. i think .

AI will redefine existance.

and so on.

etc.
-M@

for once. things seem to be looking up..

no sunshine or lollypops.

but optimism.

never thought that would happen.
my jaw hurts less.

i made 7 blue steamroller demo cds today and i gave one to wiseman to give to chad (a contact of his that is head of video at universal) i hope to god that i can at least sweep floors in the video department .. that would be enough

later.. gosling is calling

ugh.. damn my jaw hurts.

i had my wisdom teeth out on thursday.. and it's sunday and my face still hurts really bad.

ouch.

the parents wont shut up..
STFU and go away . .

oh well..

i tripped out pretty bad on the gas the doc gave me... i was yelling something like: "i'm a computer program"

although i did get some good ideas for a script out of it.

it wasnt worth it.

work is hell..

like.. 9 people have been fired/ quit within the last 3 days.

we only have 2 managers now.
and i've had to cover for other people's behinds.

sonic is teh sux0r.

i want to go see farenheight 911 on friday with steve and some chick.

i have to get friday off.

and so on.


more when i feel like it.
-M@

in the grand sceme of things.. nothing matters.

i think that i'm becoming more and more down all the time..

i wanted to write a whole heap. but . seeing the words on the screen ..

-M@