I think i found myself again tonight. Somewhere between the bacardi and dancing as fast and as hard as i could.. there I was again.. John Matthew Moeller. Exeuberant, loving, crazy. Whatever you want to call him.

He jumped right back into my shoes and started jumping as high and as much as he could, rejoicing in himself and in others. not caring what people were staring at, not caring that he was a human geiser of sweat.

I sit here now, my skin cooling and forming, a mold for the liquid steel of my molten soul. It forms and shapes again. newer, harder, better, Six million dollar man style. Only instead of building myself out of microchips and wires I have been reformed with skin and bone, soul and mind, sweetness and sorrow.

I feel reborn, a new being. I vaguely remember being that insecure one who grabbed onto women who just fell into his lap. I am new. I am improved. I AM.

Green Day sings to me on my machine, "wake me up when september ends." September has come, I have awakened to find myself, and only myself against a snowy white fuzz. I am the only visible shape and slowly the whole world comes into focus. But I never lose sight of my outline, pulsing and lifelike.

This is a victory cry that will echo into my footsteps and creschendo into every member of my being. I am energized.

In a certain indian tribe, a deeply spiritual ritual was to seclude yourself inside a special tent with blazing hot rocks, these rocks would cause one to sweat until your pores could produce no more, cleansing your body of impurity, spiritually and mentally, cleansing you into a new being. And when you emerge from the tent, spent physically, drained spiritually, cleansed of your former self, you rejoice with amazing joy, with an energy impossible in your body's current state.
Becuase you are a new being, and you have been given new energy.

I have become myself.

-M@