Bucle in for a long entry.

i havn't actually written an entry in quite some time.
this one may be offensive to krystin or to katie(sis), but i feel that i have to write it for some reason. i think ..

well. me and krystin kinda both decided to be friends. and that was okay. but it was kinda awkward today when i came back. i dunno why... just was.

saturday was awesome. i went into this whole dance thing not having any idea of what it would be like to go back for homecoming.
and i meet katie's friends, they're nice. so i decided to do some fast dancing.. bootie dancing.. whatever you call it. and it turns out that i'm good at it. her friends want to dance with me. and one of them was awesome. wow.. i mean.. geez. . . and from what i could tell she was really intelligent, and nice, and everything i'd like in somebody. but. she was taken.. ........

so the night was a blast. and i don't even remember dreaming last night. i was so tired. but i woke up and thought i smelled her. which is really strange. .. that's never happened to me.

the whole experience was a real confidence booster. i've never done something like that before. i don't know how to react.. ..

i think that it serves two purposes. to be my sand kernel that might produce a pearl of a script or screenplay based on it.. or soemthing like that. an inspiration.. (i personally think that the only reason that i write is because i am unsetttled. there have been studys proving it.)

or maybe it was to show me what i could do.. what i could have. . . something like that.

i'm really sore from dancing for practically 4 hours straight. wow.

okay.. enough of the psuedo pity party. on to another subject.

i think i'm sensing a pattern in my dating habits. i date people who want me to be happy. carrie was a faker. she didn't really tell me what she meant. only what i wanted to hear. .. i don't know about chelsea, because she never really opened up to me. .. and krystin told me friday night that she had been thinking about how to tell me that she didn't like me (in that manner) for some time.

hurtful.

or is it my fault? i don't know..

chelsea. i know you still read this. i'm sorry if you've been hurt by my actions. i think you still talk to my friends. and you are welcome to hang out with us anytime.

steve. why didn't you tell me you read the script? i would have sent you a copy if you wanted one. .

self. .. what are you going to do with your life? are you going to marry the first person that you think might be right? will the movie ever be made? will fate have something in store for you that is reminiscent of a movie? did she feel the same way? does it matter? Is there a ONE for me? how will i know? am i just going to end up behind a desk shuffling papers and feeling angst for my boss and every guy who ever found themselves someone to be happy with? is that so bad? can i compromise to be happy? What is the answer to the question that plagues me most?

42 you idiot.

Anger, anger, angst, angst, lather, rinse, repeat.

_M@

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